i don't wanna have the dreams no more.

Chelsea comes home tomorrow. I can't WAIT. I need my Chelsea-poo.

I am so unsure of everything right now.

is it his brown eyes?

I don't want to go back to Loyola.

the universe is shaped exactly like the earth; if you go straight long enough you end up where you were.

Ok. I'm not really UPSET, but there is some stuff that has been on my chest. Okay. We can all agree that your first semester at college is like life-changing, right? Right. I don't know. When Jen first went to college it was like everyone was so excited about it and whenever she came home she was hounded with questions like what's it like and who are your new friends and and what do you do on weekends? And if anything it just made me like excited to experience something new myself. Except for my experience has been completely different from Jen's because I went to a small private school a lot further away. And it's like. I don't know. I guess I wish I felt like more people cared about like MY college experience. Because it has wreaked absolute havoc on my emotions. I feel like I don't know where I'm more at home, and it is now and always will be miserable being away from my family for so long, and it really takes a toll on me. Like if Brittany or Camille wants like a hot dinner, they drive home. I sit in my dorm. Like... that REALLY starts to get to you, you know? It's like the epitome of being out in the cold world by yourself, and why did I ever want that to begin with? I can be successful at school, but will I ever be happy? I mean yeah I can be content hanging out with friends, but in life, that only means so much. Like going to bars on weekends will never ever ever make me HAPPY. It might be something fun to do, but it's not going to make my heart smile. It is a very helpless feeling. And like... the fact that I will forever have to take a trip to go home for holidays, or breaks, and not just like... be there. It's terrifying. It's like... all of a sudden everything just happened and I spent so much time wishing it would happen faster and now I can't go back and it's like all I want to do. It is SO FUCKING MISERABLE being away from my family. I hate it. It starts to mess with my head. It is the most lonely feeling in the entire world. I HATE that to see my family, I either have to take the time/money to fly home or drive for 6 freakin hours. Like... seeing your family is something I like NEED to do every day, and I'm lucky to do it like once every other month? Jesus.

I don't know. I have a lot of these thoughts, and maybe no one knows I have them, or no one thinks they bother me. And so they think about other things, like Jen's stupid foot surgery or Christmas shopping. I guess I just kind of wish someone would ask me like a stupid question about college. Cause I would like to answer. Why is college so important anyway? I'm not ready to grow up. I just wanna go HOME, but home isn't a place, it's a time period, and it's in the past now. It's a very uncomfortable feeling.

I hope no one gets mad at this blog.

3 months and i'm still sober

Real quick. My friend Heather posted this poem thing on myspace, and, of course, I had to respond.

Original post:
Since the Pledge of Allegiance and
> The Lord's Prayer are not allowed in most
> public schools anymore
> Because the word 'God' is mentioned....
> A kid in Arizona wrote the attached

> NEW School prayer :
> Now I sit me down in school
> Where praying is against the rule
> For this great nation under God
> Finds mention of Him very odd.
>
> If Scripture now the class recites,
> It violates the Bill of Rights.
> And anytime my head I bow
> Becomes a Federal matter now.

> Our hair can be purple, orange or green,
> That's no offense; it's a freedom scene.
> The law is specific, the law is precise.
> Prayers spoken aloud are a serious vice.
>
> For praying in a public hall
> Might offend someone with no faith at all.
> In silence alone we must meditate,
> God's name is prohibited by the state.

> We're allowed to cuss and dress like freaks,
> And pierce our noses, tongues and cheeks.
> They've outlawed guns, but FIRST the Bible.
> To quote the Good Book makes me liable.
> We can elect a pregnant Senior Queen,
> And the 'unwed daddy,' our Senior King.
> It's 'inappropriate' to teach right from wrong,
> We're taught that such 'judgments' do not belong.

> We can get our condoms and birth controls,
> Study witchcraft, vampires and totem poles.
> But the Ten Commandments are not allowed,
> No word of God must reach this crowd.

>
> It's scary here I must confess,
> When chaos reigns the school's a mess.
> So, Lord, this silent plea I make:
> Should I be shot; My soul please take!
> Amen


My response:
I'm sorry sweety, but you know I can't read stuff like this and not reply. The Lord's Prayer was never banned because it mentioned God - it's not like it was a secret that it was a prayer to God. It was banned because in America, especially in public, government-funded facilities, people of any and every religion are allowed and encouraged to attend and feel safe and comfortable. It was never because America hates God - it would simply be inconvenient and take way too much time to do a Christian prayer, then a Jewish prayer, then a Muslim prayer, then a Hindu, Buddhist, Confucian, Zoroastrianistic, and Jainistic, and those are just the major religions. So what did we do? Created a moment of silence, which the majority of public school's do abide by. It's a moment for students of any faith to worship their God privately and to themselves, which many argue is the way religion should be practiced in the first place. Even in the Bible, it says that those who pray in public pray so others will think they're good and lose focus on God. And as for that kid, either he deserves to be shot, or he needs to go to a damn private school.

we'll look any man straight in his eye and say kiss my irish ass.

I'm HOME!!! For CHRISTMAS!!!! and finals are OVER!!!!

I
am
so
HAPPY!!!!

It was an... interesting drive home. Matt Busby took an orange flavored hostess cupcake and smashed it all up in my face. It did not taste good. Oh well... I'm HOME! For CHRISTMAS!!!! Goodness gracious I ADORE Christmas.

Dad took me for a short ride on the Harley today. You better believe I will be begging for more tomorrow... SO MUCH FUN!

Mom had her Christmas party tonight so she is gone until tomorrow :( it's no fun coming home without her! But she should be home tomorrow by 2 so I'm looking forward to it.

Ugh, now I don't wanna go back to school hahaha.

LOVE!

With friends like that, I don't need enemies.

I am sick of liars. And flakes. And people who just ingenuine altogether.

One more final to go and I'm DONE! Leaving tomorrow morning around 9ish to get the hell out of here. Very very excited. Home for 23 DAYS!! Get the hell out of this city and away from all the stupid people in it. I am so fed up with everyone having their own opinion and being liars and saboteurs and stuff. Time to get home to my REAL friends... SARAHCHRISTYCHELSEA. I am so stoked Chels will be home. I miss her so much. And it's like... the 4 of us reuniting!!!! Finally. It has been way too long.

I am out of money and I'm starving. Lovely. I need to get the hell out of here.

there's a beautiful sky tonight

So, Craig and I broke up. Sucked for about 15 minutes, and then I realized it was really probably the best thing to do. C'est la vie! No hard feelings... and like for the first time ever in any breakup, I actually mean that. Weird. I must be getting soft...

It's the long-awaited/dreaded FINALS WEEK. And it is going to be the longest week of all time, I tell you, because, 1) I am GOING HOME FOR CHRISTMAS ON FRIDAY and 2) I have a really nasty cold. Like when I say nasty I mean like absolutely GNARLY. Everything from my shoulders up hurts. Badly. And while I feel lucky I didn't inherit my mom/sister's unfortunate migraine habit, every time I get a headache, I get like really bad sinus headaches in my teeth and stuff... God. Misery! Anyway. Government and Acting finals were last week, and the rest of my schedule looks a little something:

Monday 2:00-4:00 - Philosophy final
Wedneday 11:30-1:30 - History final
Thursday 2:00-4:00 - Religion final

Ew. I wish it would just be Friday already.

i've tried everything from the whiskey to the dramamine

finals.
are.
stressing.
me.
OUT!!!

to whom do i owe my debt?

GOD. Ever hear one of those songs that just like... makes you boo hoo and just gives you a knot in the pit of your stomach and thank God that SOMEONE out there can articulate what you are feeling most deeply...

I won't post ALL the lyrics, but here are my favorites from "Dear Mr. President" by Pink:

"How do you sleep while the rest of us cry?
How do you dream when a mother has no chance to say goodbye?
How do you walk with your head held high?
Can you even look me in the eye
And tell me why?"

"What kind of father would take his own daughter's rights away?
And what kind of father might hate his own daughter if she were gay?
I can only imagine what the first lady has to say
You've come a long way from whiskey and cocaine."

"Dear Mr. President,
Were you a lonely boy?
Are you a lonely boy?
Are you a lonely boy?
How can you say
No child is left behind?
We're not dumb and we're not blind.
They're all sitting in your cells
While you pave the road to hell."



God. What kind of father would take his own daughter's rights away? What kind of father might hate his own daughter if she were gay?

And there are STILL PEOPLE OUT THERE who would vote for him again.

How do you sleep while the rest of us cry?





It just drives me nuts. It's like lately... I shouldn't say I have been down, because I haven't... my eyes have just been opened to so much. We had our first company meeting and we watched these videos on Iraqi families - a little boy who got AIDS from a blood transfusion in Baghdad and all his mom wants is 15$ a month from the government to pay for cab fare to get him to the doctor. Another little boy who has been in the 1st grade for 5 years because the war keeps forcing him to drop out, who can hardly write his own name. A group of Shi'as in the south of Iraq who hate Americans with this ridiculously fierce passion who are desperate for us to get out of their towns. It's beyond frightening. There was a clip of a Shi'ite saying, "Every American should be afraid." I mean, why are we believing BUSH of all people, telling us not to be afraid? He lies about everything else... We probably should be fearing for our lives. How can we send more and more minority men over to the front lines who are hardly even citizens and just want to go to college? The American government has made it public they are not keeping track of the number of Iraqi dead. Just because they are not American does not mean that they don't have families - daughters who just want to hear their dad read the Polar Express on Christmas Eve and won't because the military has gone so crazy and blood-hungry that they'll shoot anything that moves. I mean, it could just as well be us!

I am so sick of being assosciated with the biggest bully the world has ever known. It's all fun and games until someone starts crying.


It just makes me feel lucky, and unneccessarily so. Two parts from one of my monologues in 9 Parts of Desire:

"I have too much existence
I have lived through 23 revolutions
my life has been spared
if my life has been spared
to whom do I owe my debt?
I have so much to repay.
To whom do I owe my debt?"

"When I was young in the school
they had us to draw
our family tree -
my mother had a new dress
it's with ruffles and flowers
that I loved
and she wear it in the house
I think every day for many weeks.
So I draw my mother like a big flower
with ruffles.
My teacher say no
it is wrong before Allah
drawing her hair and body showing -
I am disrespecting.
So I look to the other children and
they drawing only the fathers and grandfathers
because of the name-line.

So I just erased her, my mother
it was only pencil."

Remember, it's just you and me.

God. I completely sliced my finger open (left index finger, which is why this is a bitch to type) today... digging through my makeup drawer my poor finger happened to stumble across an old rusty razor... sick. kdjhdslkjhds. It seriously bled for way too long. Owwww.

It's weird, cause cutting my finger made me homesick. Like... I wanted my mom to get me a bandaid. *sigh*

oh... and... BY THE FREAKIN WAY


IIIIIII
GGGGGOOOOOTTT
CCCCCAAAASSSSSTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In 9 Parts of Desire!

I
AM
SO
FREAKING
STOKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I got cast as Nanna, and it's probably the smallest part of any play EVER but WHO THE HELL CARES. CAUSE I GOT CAST. :D


very very good night.

In other news.... I still have the new boyfriend (Craig) and he is so beyond fabulous. Haven't felt this way about anyone in a long, long time. It's just very... nice. :)

And of course, I have such terrific luck, he's being deployed to Iraq in April. Way to freakin' go. Not only am I dating a Republican, he's fixin to go off to war. Ugh. If we get married before he goes, the government will give me $500 a month. It may be worth it... thats a new pair of jeans like every week!

I would type more but the pain in my finger is excrutiating when I type. So I'm gonna go to bed. I have my auditions for the theatre dept. here tomorrow... Oh, did I mention I will (most likely, after hopefully making this audition) be double majoring in poli sci and theatre starting next semester? Oi.

Anyway, xoxoxox.

7 drunken pirates, we're just 7 deadly sins.

God. First semester is already nearly over. Can you believe it? I feel like I have grown more since August than the last 18 years of my life. Weird. I have always been like super close with my family, but now I feel even closer with them, simply because it has become apparently how very much I depend on them every single day. My sister is the queen of giving me crap and getting on my nerves, but I have never once doubted that she is my biggest fan. It's like... okay. Remember Frankenstein? How it was like the most terrible show EVER and we're all embarrassed to have any part in it to begin with? Well... it was my first show to act in at Taylor, and the night my parents and sister came, when I got home, there was a little note from Jen on my nightstand that said along the lines of like I'm so proud of you and you did so good and you're such an awesome actress. TOTAL lies, but whatev. :) And since then she has been the one person I can count on to have my back and support me, even when no one else in the entire world does. dlkjfhasdlksdkjhfas. I dunno. I don't know what I would do without her. Or my mom and dad. Or Sarah. Or Chelsea. (Yes, I am including you in my family. Are you surprised?) And it's like at the same time I have met SO many freaking cool people here too. I mean Brittany is one of the most badass girls I have ever been friends with, and then there's Camille who is the (soon-to-be) best roommate ever and such an awesome friend and people like Kelly and Matt and then the non-Loyola people like Ryan and Matt and Craig... I'm just in a good place. I feel like a grown-up. And I realize now that grown-ups still have bad days. And they get their feelings hurt, and they cry a little bit, and first kisses still make them incredibly nervous. That's not what makes you mature or immature.... I think it's the attitude you take towards all those things. You can cry and cry and cry or you can cry and then get up and dust yourself off and get back on the horse.

And I am finally back on the horse. :)

he walks away, the sun goes down.

ahhh on your mark, get set, go!

1. new boyfriend? :P
2. home for thanksgiving!!!
2a. the drive home FOR thanksgiving was HELL-atious. omg. 8 hours. ENDED UP IN VILLE PLATTE, LA. no fun.
3. TONS of pictures, will post soon.
4. lovelovelove my family & my friends.
5. sooo much turkey. ahh.


xoxox!!!!!

back to black

SO. We had auditions for the 2nd semester shows, and of course, my persistant ass couldn't resist. The shows are Shakespeare's Twelfth Night and this smaller show about 9 Iraqi woman in the gulf war called 9 Parts of Desire. I did a monlogue from As You Like it, a monologue from The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie, and a song from The Wild Party. WELL... long story short...


I GOT CALLED BACK!!! :D

For 12th Night, I got called back for the parts of Maria and Feste (the fool), and for 9 Parts I got called back for the parts of Mullaya, Layal, Huda, and the American.

I am SOOOOOOOO excited!!! My goal was to get called back, so even if I don't get cast, I am muy muy muy proud of myself. :)

That is all. I can't WAIT to come home!!!!!!

there's too many things i haven't done yet.

Ahhh. I haven't been able to work out the last few weeks just because of committments and homework and stuff, but I went after my gov't class this morning and I feel great! Also it helped that Dr. Renwick told us that he is cancelling class next Tuesday, so I can get on the road by like 8. Yayyy!!! I am just itching to get home!

Anyway... 1 religion class, 1 acting class, 2 history classes, and 2 philosophy classes stand between me and Thanksgiving break. Ahhh!!!!!

our song is a slammin' screen door

I miss my friends. And my family. And my dog. And my house. And my bed. :(

6 days!

and i love your memory.

Quick post:

I have 2 auditions on Tuesday evening, and, therefore, 2 monologues to memorize. OI! One of them is Shakespeare, which has been a struggle... It is just REALLY hard to memorize!!! I mean I know what he's talking about (thank you sparknotes.com), but sheesh.

Going home A WEEK FROM TOMORROW. Couldn't possibly seem further away, either. I am tres tres homesick. I miss my pops and my mamacita and my puppy. And my Mama and Papa!!! Never thought I'd miss listening to paps pick fights, but I definitely do! Cannot WAIT to get home... Chels said she may find someone from Houston who is driving and hitch a ride... in which case I would be the absolute HAPPIEST camper alive. Ahhh I get teary eyed just thinking about it. I miss her SO MUCH!!!!!!!! I mean I definitely miss Sarah SO MUCH too, but I've seen her both times I went home. Chels has been holed up in freakin Evansville for so long... Gah. I just miss being around like MY friends. Not like my LOYOLA friends... just MY friends. That know every one of my mood swings and can talk to me about politics without worshipping Bush and just... gahhh. I wanna go eat sushi in Rennie park and gossip.

So. 8 days. Y'all better be ready!!!!

Oh, PS: I hung out with my friend Phil on Friday night!! We went to Arden Cahill together... 11 years ago! How weird is that?

fake your way to the top.

Pictures from Wolves On The Prowl (the Jesus-bearded guy is Kelly, another guy from my CLC group)

and now i'm ready to be extraordinary

wow. what a week. on Saturday we had Wolves on the Prowl - it's the country-wide Loyola University day of service, and what a great campus at which to do it - the New Orleans community needs all the help it can get!! My group (including most of my CLC group) went to City Park (which at one point was under 15 feet of water... can you believe that?!) and spread mulch in the Coitiere Forest (I'm sure I'm butchering the spelling of that name, but you get the idea)... It was really fun actually... though VERY tiresome, and my arms are still sore from hauling wheelbarrows of mulch like 3/4 of a mile at a time. (No joke, they actually measured the path!) Jen also flew in this weekend... We went to the Cheesecake Bistro in Metairie and then on Saturday we all went to Port of Call (best baked potato EVER!!!!!!)... It was a REALLY good weekend. Caught up on some sleep as well. Oh, I also had my second history midterm on Friday... if I don't get an A on that test I'm going to SCREAM!!!

I have been really struggling with what I want to do with my life lately. Did I give up on theatre because I was scared of being vulnerable or being rejected?

i've just seen a face i can't forget the time or place

You know what is frustrating?

I stress out. Okay, I can accept that.

I stress out a lot. I lose hair and sleep and sanity over really little things. Okay, I can accept that.

I stress out so that I am always physically tense and ill-feeling and can't even keep thoughts straight in my head. Okay, I guess I can accept that.

So, okay. I accept that I stress out. Now... what the hell am I supposed to do about it?

I hate when people are like "you just have to relax"... well, no shit. Cause, you know, I totally enjoy NOT relaxing. It's like my favorite thing in the world... not.

I just don't know what to do sometimes. I mean I can recognize that I am like at my wits end but what does that matter if there's nothing I can do about it? sdkjhadflkjsdfhlkajsdfhlaksjdfhlaskjdfhalskjdfhslakdjfhalwekfhualkdjh!!!!!!!!!!

i'm not gonna write you a love song.

I have been having a rough couple of days. A lot of times I pretend I'm okay - sometimes for myself, sometimes for others... But it consumes me, and when I realize I'm really NOT okay, it overwhelms me and, yeah... I have just really wanted to curl up in my mom's bed and pet my dog and go to Starbucks with Sarah and Chelsea just like so many times before.

And yet, when I feel I'm completely at my breaking point, God reminds me how present He is my life and how much He blesses me each and every day. It makes me ashamed that I could ever forget how much He loves me and guides me and blesses my life. I just feel like I have found a best friend in the holy ghost and it overwhelms me with joy and fear and curiosity and sheer ecstasy. And so it shames me to realize how lucky I am to be at an incredible university studying what I want to study and being able to speak freely and live comfortably and know what it is to love and be loved. I have miraculously been spared from wildfires in southern California and dissent in the Middle East and even catastrophe as close as Fat City. I have no clue why God has spared me from these tragedies; all I can rely on is my knowledge of His plan for me and hope that I am fulfilling my duties to Him as best I can. I'm not perfect, and He loves me anyway... It is a feeling of ecstacy unable to be described. I hope I never lose it.

22 days until Thanksgiving break... I can't wait to see Mama and Papa and Lacey! And of course mom and dad and Jen and Rubes... Jen is coming to visit on Friday until Sunday... Saturday I have our campus-wide community service day, but it should end by 1:30 and knowing Jen she will just be waking up, so hopefully we can spend some time together. I am adjusting quite well nowadays, but I still constantly wish for small reminders of home.

Anyways, I am back on the prowl. You know me, the hopeless romantic... I love love, and I am trying very, VERY hard to move on from past experiences and find something new and more... appropriate for the person I am today. No more settling - it's time to find someone I've dreamt of. Wish me luck!

Some pictures from this weekend (I promise I don't wear the corset normally, but we celebrated Halloween on Saturday night with some new friends)

it is finally cold here!!!

Woke up cold one Tuesday

Well. Yep. GUESS WHAT! IT'S COOOOOOOOOOOOLD!!!!

Yep. Cold front came through yesterday, flooded us 4+ inches (enough for them to cancel all classes after like 2 and this morning... yay!) , and now it's COOLD. My desktop weather thing says 55 degrees. I'm flipping out - so refreshing!!! Haha, last night was very interesting and college-esque. We decided at 11:30 that we wanted to brave the torrential rains and go to McDonald's (Brittany and I are collecting the Monopoly pieces... we're 1 railroad away from $100!), so 5 of us (Brittany, her boyfriend, Ryan, two of friends, Chris and Matt, and me) piled in the car and blared Colt 45 (such a nasty song) and got out fast food on. It was fun... and very wet. I seriously changed outfits like 4 times yesterday cause even with rain boots and an umbrella, every time I went to or from class I got SOAKED.

People at Loyola should not be such whiney bitches. Seriously... you're EIGHTEEN YEARS OLD. Grow up and realize you aren't in junior high anymore: g-strings are not cool, especially when they hang out. Your parents can't call and fix your shit. You are actually RESPONSIBLE for your decisions. Uggh, I just wish people would GROW UP. I'm glad my friends are cool..

Oh man, on Sunday, we had this huge CLC thing with all the small groups... It was seriously the coolest experience of my life. It was so great being around so many people and meeting new people and feeling that much of God's power and love... Ah. It was SO cool... and we had our small group CLC last night, which, as usual, was incredible. I love our group.

Jen is coming not this weekend but next weekend... I am sooo excited. I can't wait to see her! Mama and Papa are also back in Katy for the winter... what a great weekend for them to come back, when it finally gets cold! LOL... It will be good to get back over Thanksgiving and see them and Lacey and everyone... Too bad I am driving by myself! :( It will be ok, it will probably take me more than 6 hours, but I will make some good CDs and get a good night's sleep the night before... It should be fine.

Anyway... Just checking in... I have my philosophy midterm on Friday... I am nervous!!!! But I have no reason not to get a 100, because he posts the midterm online a week before... That's what I like, he wants us to succeed, and it's not about like number grades, but about us understanding stuff... Yep...

PS: I hate music majors. Seriously. PICK A REAL MAJOR AND STOP STEALING OUR SCHOLARSHIP MONEYYYYYY!!!

if i go to washington, who will be my chaperone?

"we always knew, we always knew you were a CHAMPIONNNNNNN"


Hello, there. How's it going? Great here. Nothing really to report, midterm grades are due in at midnight, but a few have been posted... A in acting, B+ in government, and C in history... yeah, I know, WHAT THE HELL?!?!?!?!? Then I got to thinking about it... practically everyone failed the first paper in that class, and he is letting us re-write them and swapping out the grades... so potentially it should be much higher, but I think the bad paper grade is still in there. It really distresses me, regardless. You better believe that paper re-write will be the best paper I've ever written. I'm still waiting to hear about religion and philosophy, but I'm expecting a B or B+ in both. Anyway.

Speaking of religion class, we watched the movie "Gandhi" in there... Wow. That had to have been the most moving experience of my life. WHAT an INCREDIBLE movie... I never really knew much about Gandhi, but I was SO impressed... I really think everyone should believe in SOMETHING the way he believed in peace and non-violence. It was soul-stirring... what a phenomenal film. Peter Kinglsey (that's his name, right?) was also one of the best actor's I have EVER seen in a movie.

I think I might be going out to Metairie tonight to hang out at Brittany's house... I don't want to, just because I hate driving on the interstate here... and not knowing where I'm going. That part sucks.

OHMYGOD. A few days ago, I was doing laundry, and I guess I didn't close my bottle of detergent, because I threw it up on the top shelf of my closet, and 30 minutes later, detergent was EVERYWHERE!!!! All over my clothes, the shelves, the floor, all the food in my closet, my shoes, my bags... SUCH a disgusting, slimy mess. It is STILL slippery on my floor if your feet are wet... I just haven't had the opportunity to get down and really clean it.

Oh, I went home for fall break.. a very interesting couple of days. Dot and Dan were in town, it was cool to see them... I'll post some pictures from going to Papasito's. (We told the waiter it was Mr. Dan's birthday, hence the sombrero...)

oh deary me, my little brother's in his bedroom smoking weed.

So! Guess what! I am going home tomorrow!!! Yep, this weekend is "Fall break"... we have Monday and Tuesday off, so I am taking a very lovely 4 day weekend in Katy! Also, I got a job!!!! I am a sales associate at Banana Republic in Lakeside mall... so fun! Today was my first day, and I work Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday of next week. (I work from 10am - 7pm on Saturday! Jeeeeeez.) But it is worth it, freaking AWESOME employee discounts, and it is a pretty chill place to work. But so yeah, I am glad to have something to keep me busy, because I work so much better when I have a lot on my plate!

So the other day, Brittany and I and this guy from Tulane were driving down to Metairie to pick something up for Brittany at this shop, and we got in a wreck!!! No bueno, but it wasn't that bad, and once again, I seriously thank God no one was hurt. (And no one was hurt. Ha! Long story.) But yeah. I have definitely felt like God was seriously watching over me lately... Just keeping me positive and organized and healthy. I am almost done with defensive driving! (Thank GOD.)

Anyway, wish me a safe flight tomorrow!!! The weather is BEAUTIFUL, by the way!!

that's the way we get down in a hick town

Of course my first class would be cancelled today, and so when I'm sleeping, I would get a text message at like 8:30 that wakes me up. Ugh. I don't have class until 12:30. :(

I have been feeling really nervous lately. Physically and emotionally, but more so physically. I keep getting butterflies in my stomach and those really uncomfortable surges of adrenaline... Definitely not too fun. And I keep bouncing my legs when I sit and stuff... but I really have nothing to be nervous about!! I don't get it. Sheesh. Maybe I will do some hardcore stretching and take a long shower, try to relax...

Last night Brittany and I went to 5 Happines... talk about some good chinese food!! I was impressed... almost as good as Hong Kong Garden :P. Then we went out to Metairie and hung out with Matt Busby and some of his friends for a few hours... It was a fun night. And now it's Friday, and I have no clue what my plans are. Anyway. Bye!

(PS: I downloaded the program that automatically backs up my files every day. Take that, hard drive!)

bob that head

I got a very short e-mail this morning:
"Mel,

Update your blog.

-Dad"


Ugh. Rude.

Anyway. Did I ever mention I have my first practice/class with ComedySportz New Orleans on Saturday? Ha, this little amateur is growing up and going pro! Yep yep. Things have been going actually exceptionally well since I've been back. I finally feel good. Like college is actually FUN now! And jeez, it has grown on me A LOT. I think the fact that it has been GORGEOUS outside really helps. And it's like, when it's gorgeous outside in Katy, it's like... cool, it's nice out. I'll go sit on the becn. When it's gorgeous outside here, it's like... there is so much you can do outside. You can sit in one of the quads or play volleyball or rock in the rocking chairs or go walk around Audubon park. It's like... it's still warm, but in the breeze you can almost SMELL winter. It's my favorite smell in the world. Definitely perks me up. In fact, yesterday, my 9:30 acting class was held outside on the steps of the chapel. It was soooo lovely.
New Orleans in general has just really grown on me. I still bitch about not being able to turn left, but it's definitely better. Not to say I don't miss Katy or my family or my friends or anything, but I feel so relieved to finally just be able to like... not worry about it anymore! I talked to Sarah for like an hour last night, and she is beginning to go through what I felt was the hardest year ever... Just doing applications, fighting about where you want to go to school, touring schools, maintaining grades, staying active in theatre, and then BAM it goes so fast and all of a sudden you're gone and on your own and its like wait what happened?! We have a program at Loyola called Each One Reach One where current students give information about high school seniors they know and Loyola gives them priority consideration on their application and scholarships and stuff, so I submitted one for Sarah. I miss her so FREAKING much. I am going home the weekend after next (Welcome to private school, we have random four day weekends for random holidays that don't exist: "fall break") and I really can't wait to go home and not have any drama to deal with and not have anything to do... Just go home and be with my dog and enjoy my family, maybe heat up the hot tub and get some reading done at Starbucks. Ahh, how nice does that sound???

I have been working out a lot since I've been back... practically every day. It has finally clicked with me how much working out really really helps me relax, de-stress, and un-wind. I just go and hit the treadmill or the elliptical HARD for 15-30 minutes each and sweat my butt off and afterwards it's like... I'm energized and happy and it's just an excellent feeling. Wow, it just started to rain REALLY hard. Wish I had those damn rain boots I want! It sounds gay, but when it rains here for five minutes you're trekking through 3 inches of dirty water for the whole day. I really want some rubber golashes just to get to and from class, because I prefer not to swim if I can avoid it.

Here's just some random pictures I've taken on/around campus (the ones of the squirrels are from Audubon park)

A lot of things in a not very big blog post.

Okay! This is going to be a marathon post. I went home this last weekend! It was... interesting. It was really nice seeing my family and my puppy and Sarah and Charlie and Michael and Bobby and Christy and Ben.... However, it was like... weird. I realized how many people from high school I really DON'T like, and I was only friends with them because I had to be, because I saw them every day. Oh well. I'm in like a... can't go back, can't go forward kind of phase. I feel like I can't go back to Katy, because it's not at all the same... I mean it is, but it isn't, you know? I'm not in high school anymore. I guess it's time to accept that. But I can't seem to go forward yet, because New Orleans isn't "home" just yet. Which is really frustrating. It's like being stuck in a rut. It was like... I'm back in Katy for 2 days, and a TON of drama goes down. So stupid!!! That's definitely one thing I don't miss about Katy/High School... I really like being around smart, mature people. Which Katy doesn't have many of. But it is still hard to come back and be by myself. But it definitely feels easier. I don't know. I guess I feel so bad about moving on from Katy. Jeez. I don't know.

Anyways. I'm back in New Orleans now, and I'm going back to Katy the weekend after next. We have a 4 day weekend for "Fall break". Midterms started today... I had my history exam and it really wasn't too bad!!! A pleasant surprise. I have my religions midterm tomorrow... I'm a little nervous about that. But I have been studying!!

Oh! And I forgot to mention... my hard drive on my Mac completely bombed, and I lost everything... sooooo not fun. Lesson: BACK UP YOUR SHIT!!!!!

just stay strong, cause you know i'm here for you.

Guess what!!! I'm gooooing HOOOME on Friday!!!!!!!!! I am soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo beyond excited. Hehe. I should be doing philosophy homework now, but, come on... yeah right. I own that class. Speaking of grades... I got an 87 on my first government test!!! I know it's not an A, but i am still REALLY happy... it is my only class for my major this semester, so I have made an effort to really excell in it (despite it is a 90 minute class at EIGHT A.M. twice a week... ugh) and I am really proud!! It is the highest grade of anyone I talked to in that class. :)

I don't know if I blogged about this yet, but I joined a group here called CLC (Christian Life Community). They break you up into small groups and it sort of just like... I don't know. A spiritually-guided rap session? There are like 6 other people in my group plus the two leaders (a teacher and a senior) and we sort of pray and sort of just talk about life. But it is seriously the best thing I think I could have joined. I LOVE my group, and I seriously feel so peaceful when I leave the meetings...It is just an all around awesome thing. :)

In bad news... my computer is like FRIED. Which sucks a lot. A lot a lot. At first it wouldnt even turn on, so I spent like 3 hours on the phone with tech support on Saturday and got it to turn on... but now it's like I can't do anything on it. Like if I even THINK about doing two things at once (which includes having a song playing and doing anything else, or having two windos open) it freezes up. I'm lucky because Brittany just got a new laptop so she is letting me borrow her old one for the week.. I am taking my Mac home this weekend and I am demanding they replace it... Pssh. Good thing we got the warranty!!!!

It is my mamacita's bithday today :(... definitely not a happy feeling knowing I couldn't be home today!!! But Jen and I had flowers sent to her office :) Happy birthday momma!

Anyway. Philosophy is calling to me. (Plato = BOOOOOORING. and confusing. hmph.) Peace!

now im dying cause i let you do what you do to me

So! Almost another weekend... My acting class got cancelled for tomorrow, so I don't have anything until 12:30. Brittany and I have beek working out lately! On Tuesday we did our own thing at the gym, on Wednesday we took a kickboxing class (I have never been so out of breath in my ENTIRE LIFE... oh my God, it kicked my butt!!!!), and today we took "Salsaerobics"... It was like a beginnier salsa class. SO FUN! And a pretty good workout! Definitely got my sweat on. I also went to Whole Foods Market tonight... got some organic lemonade, strawberries, almonds, animal crackers, yogurt pretzels, and chocolate covered almonds. :) So hopefully I can slowly but surely become that healthy person I want to be. We'll see. The weather has been GORGEOUS the last couple of days!!!! Not very humid, a nice wind, sunny, about 85 degrees out.. Absolutely pleasant! I also had my first American Gov't test this morning.. I think it went really well!! I am excited to see my grade. I have a History paper due Monday about cultural identity in ancient civilizations... We'll see how that goes!! Anyway... I'm gonna lay in bed and watch TV. Not having a DVD player really sucks!! But when I go home (NEXT WEEKEND EEEEK!!!!!) I am going to mail mine to myself here. That way I won't have to take it on the plane. ONEEE WEEEEEEEEEEK!!!!!!!!!!

all your life, you were always waiting for this moment to arrive.

I was thinking this morning. A lot of me being here has been like stress and pressure to make people proud... But then it dawned on me... the only reason I'm here is because people are ALREADY proud of me. :)

Oh, and... by the way...


I GOT AN A+ ON MY PHILOSOPHY PAPER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:D
:D
:D
:D
:D
:D
:D


I'm soooo happy. 10 and a half days til I go home!

incompatible. it don't matter, though.

ugggggh.

JUST when I'm thinking that I'm ok and things are getting better and I'm feeling good...

I wake up this morning like REALLY nauseous and I have a terrible headache and a fever and I'm shivering and really weak feeling. UGGGH. I'm hoping I can sleep it off. 13 days til I go home...

Don't freak, but I am thinking about applying to Rice... You know, just in case... Good to keep my options open. Hmm.

it seems to me they've really lost the plot.

Ok. So. It has been an eventful few days. Alyssa moved out. (Lame and inconsiderate, but, hey, we're human, we adapt.) She wanted to move into the boys dorm or something. Whatevvv. It's actually really nice having a single room... I now have a much nicer TV (with actual CABLE! whoo haha we watched Rock of Love until 1 in the morning last night!), a freakin SWEET purple shag rug (so fresh and so clean clean), and I switched sides of the room so I now have shelves! Not to mention when I wake up for class I don't have to tiptoe around. Haha, she finally finished moving out yesterday, and I cleaned my ASS off!!!!!! My bathroom is like SPARKLING now. I loooove it. It's possible I may get a roommate later in the semester or next semester, but because I'm keeping that possibility open, I don't have to pay for a single room! Which is even nicer. Now I'm just hoping no one moves in... Wish me luck!

Anyway. Took new pictures of the new room!!!