do they cry out loud?

Christy and Sarah are coming today!!! I'm soooooo excited. I need some bff time. It will be a little annoying because I have shows and stuff and they will be alooone :( but I still can't wait. It means so much they are coming.

The show is going great. We close tomorrow night. (THANK GOD.)

Can't wait to have my life back.

Introducing Nanna, Iraqi street peddler:

i can't be breaking through walls i shouldn't still have at my age

"... so i'm shaken and affected to hear unexpectedly for no apparent reason you love me."

The show is going unbelievably well. I think I have a stomach bug, but I'm at least feeling better today than I was yesterday. I dunno, I just wish it would go away. I can't afford to be under the weather these days.

I'm trying to take life one day at a time. It's going okay. Sarah and Christy are coming on Friday, and then I'll be home in 2 weeks. Thank GOD.

Love,
Mel

everything i need that i never knew i wanted

Let's make it official.

I'm going to UH next semester... pending my acceptance.

Have opinions, don't have opinions, support me, don't... I'm past letting that sway the decisions I need to make for my life.

Allison and I are looking for apartments inside the loop. Sarah won't be able to move out, but Allison is itching to, and she'll be at UH again next semester as well. Hopefully in a year or so, Sarah will be able to join us in the big, bad world.

I'm excited. It makes me happy. It makes me feel safe. It makes me feel like this year is just an adventure I'll soon be able to put behind me and never re-live.

I can't wait to have friends and family and love back in my life. About 8 weeks left... Thank GOD. I think in a year I will look back and be shocked I made it without killing myself. As hard as I feel it is now, I know myself, and I know once it's over I will think it was even harder and be even prouder of myself for not giving up.

I am dating another boy in the army. We went to high school together. His name is Ian. He's being deployed to Afghanistan in a month-ish. Of course its never easy. If anything in my life was easy, what on earth would I have to worry about?! :) But he is fantastic, and he is what makes me smile at the end of a long, horrendous day. More reason to elect Hillary and bring our boys home even sooner.

Show opens on Friday, and we have a preview performance tomorrow night. It's been a TERRIFIC experience, but I don't mind telling you I'll be glad when it's over and excited to have my life back.

"Anyway, that is life. You cannot compare, just be compassionate."

if you have to, then you have to, so whatever

I am so tired and I can't stop crying. I haven't slept. I have no food. I'm stressed out and beyond any comprehensible explanation for the word EXHAUSTED and very vulnerable, and now I feel like I'm fixing to be extremely disappointed.

shorty got low, low, low, low, low, low, low, low.

Sometimes I feel as if I should be unlove-able, and then I feel exceedingly fortunate to have people love me regardless.

I cried tonight. For a lot of reasons... for few reasons... Maybe I'm just worn out. My body is used to long rehearsals and sleepless nights, but my heart may not be in it anymore. Don't get me wrong, I am attached to this show with the deepest fiber of my being... But it's taking its toll on me.

I just feel stuck. I feel like there's nothing big to look forward to, nothing to work towards, nothing to really do at all but distract myself.

I wish to God every minute of every day that I wasn't so disgusting. I abhor myself.

i'm a new chicken clucking open hearts and ears

Back to New Orleans tomorrow.

When I'm in Houston, I'm surrounded with love. And histories. And I know that my family will be in New Orleans in 2 weeks to see my show, so I really shouldn't fret much, but it still sucks, because it's not the same. I'm COMFORTABLE here. I'm happy, I can wake up and see my dog and think our neighbors are creepy and when I see the people I know I can absolutely trust that they are genuine.

Life in New Orleans is not living. I have nothing genuine there. I want to sing and tap dance and not be looked at like a freak for it. I can embrace I am completely 100% nuts and probably won't get along with 90% of the people I encounter in life. But I have found people I get along with. Splendidly. And it's so stupid for me to leave all of that just so I can feel like a pretentious snob when I say I went to some ritzy Catholic school. I'm not too good for Houston. How incredibly pompous to say so. Houston is love. Houston is comfort. Houston is protection. And New Orleans is the "descent into Hell".

dreams stay big, worries stay small

So. I'm sitting in the Louis Armstrong Airport in NOLA... waiting to get on a plane and fly to my beloved KTX. I am so hyper!!! I wish I could just get on the plane and get the hell out of this tourist-trap. I am looking forward to a week off from rehearsals and school and stress. I am committed to just sleeping in and NO DRAMA. It will be a good week. Now if only I could board the freaking plane.... 20 minutes...