to whom do i owe my debt?

GOD. Ever hear one of those songs that just like... makes you boo hoo and just gives you a knot in the pit of your stomach and thank God that SOMEONE out there can articulate what you are feeling most deeply...

I won't post ALL the lyrics, but here are my favorites from "Dear Mr. President" by Pink:

"How do you sleep while the rest of us cry?
How do you dream when a mother has no chance to say goodbye?
How do you walk with your head held high?
Can you even look me in the eye
And tell me why?"

"What kind of father would take his own daughter's rights away?
And what kind of father might hate his own daughter if she were gay?
I can only imagine what the first lady has to say
You've come a long way from whiskey and cocaine."

"Dear Mr. President,
Were you a lonely boy?
Are you a lonely boy?
Are you a lonely boy?
How can you say
No child is left behind?
We're not dumb and we're not blind.
They're all sitting in your cells
While you pave the road to hell."



God. What kind of father would take his own daughter's rights away? What kind of father might hate his own daughter if she were gay?

And there are STILL PEOPLE OUT THERE who would vote for him again.

How do you sleep while the rest of us cry?





It just drives me nuts. It's like lately... I shouldn't say I have been down, because I haven't... my eyes have just been opened to so much. We had our first company meeting and we watched these videos on Iraqi families - a little boy who got AIDS from a blood transfusion in Baghdad and all his mom wants is 15$ a month from the government to pay for cab fare to get him to the doctor. Another little boy who has been in the 1st grade for 5 years because the war keeps forcing him to drop out, who can hardly write his own name. A group of Shi'as in the south of Iraq who hate Americans with this ridiculously fierce passion who are desperate for us to get out of their towns. It's beyond frightening. There was a clip of a Shi'ite saying, "Every American should be afraid." I mean, why are we believing BUSH of all people, telling us not to be afraid? He lies about everything else... We probably should be fearing for our lives. How can we send more and more minority men over to the front lines who are hardly even citizens and just want to go to college? The American government has made it public they are not keeping track of the number of Iraqi dead. Just because they are not American does not mean that they don't have families - daughters who just want to hear their dad read the Polar Express on Christmas Eve and won't because the military has gone so crazy and blood-hungry that they'll shoot anything that moves. I mean, it could just as well be us!

I am so sick of being assosciated with the biggest bully the world has ever known. It's all fun and games until someone starts crying.


It just makes me feel lucky, and unneccessarily so. Two parts from one of my monologues in 9 Parts of Desire:

"I have too much existence
I have lived through 23 revolutions
my life has been spared
if my life has been spared
to whom do I owe my debt?
I have so much to repay.
To whom do I owe my debt?"

"When I was young in the school
they had us to draw
our family tree -
my mother had a new dress
it's with ruffles and flowers
that I loved
and she wear it in the house
I think every day for many weeks.
So I draw my mother like a big flower
with ruffles.
My teacher say no
it is wrong before Allah
drawing her hair and body showing -
I am disrespecting.
So I look to the other children and
they drawing only the fathers and grandfathers
because of the name-line.

So I just erased her, my mother
it was only pencil."